Do I really have to parent differently for each of my children?

Parenting is never a one-size-fits-all approach, but that doesn’t mean you need an entirely different rulebook for each child. While every child is unique—especially when autism is involved—most of us can agree that consistency and flexibility are key. So, is it okay to parent each child a little differently? Absolutely!

A family day out

I remember a trip to the Eden Project years ago. My son, fully immersed in his own world, decided to lie face down on the shoe-cleaning grill at the entrance to the domes, completely fascinated by the water running beneath him. Meanwhile, my daughter had her own agenda—she wanted to explore the domes. So, there I was, acting as a human shield over my son, while the crowd muttered as they walked around me. In the meantime, my daughter happily explored with her dad, taking her time to enjoy every part of it.

Parenting is about responding to each child’s needs, and that often means meeting them where they are, even if that means giving one child an ice lolly for breakfast (because, let's be honest, sometimes that’s exactly what they ask for). And it’s not about fairness in the traditional sense—it’s about understanding and accommodating their needs, whether neurotypical or neurodiverse. If one child needs a routine and the other thrives on spontaneity, that’s okay.

The same logic applies to food. Telling one child to 'just try it' might lead to a projectile vomit (yes, it's happened before), so pick your battles wisely! It’s not about fairness in the traditional sense; it’s about responding to each child’s individual needs with understanding, flexibility, and a sense of humour. Trust me, when you hear about my adventures with bedtimes, you’ll see just how different parenting can look.

Throw out the rule book

So, no, you don’t need a different rulebook for each child. But do be prepared to throw the ‘standard rules’ out the window occasionally—especially if an ice lolly for breakfast or lying on a shoe-cleaning grill gets the job done!